


Moonlight (and Marry Me Someday)

by NorwegianPunkFan



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Messa - Freeform, Teriah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 07:23:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19436680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorwegianPunkFan/pseuds/NorwegianPunkFan
Summary: When Mariah awakens to find Tessa crying on their fire escape, it leads to a deep conversation about love, worth and their future. Mariah blurts out an awkward (sort of) marriage proposal that’s met with doubt, so she decides she’ll have to pop the question a different way...





	Moonlight (and Marry Me Someday)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so…I don’t really understand the fire escape situation based on how their apartment looks on the inside. We know it exists though, so let's just roll with it! Haha. This story is set the same night after they shot Tessa’s video. There's also a reference to the lyrics for Love Me, so hopefully everyone has listened closely and will get it. Enjoy!

At their humble shoebox, Mariah gently stirred and was grateful to find no sign of the sun. After getting up at the crack of dawn to shoot Tessa’s music video, Mariah was eager to get back to sleep this time around. She could do without any more eureka moments – at least until 10:00 a.m.

As a groggy Mariah reached over to snuggle Tessa, her hand hit the cold sheets instead. Mariah’s head shot up, tousled red hair falling as she looked over at Tessa’s empty side of the bed. There was enough moonlight in the room to see that Tessa was gone…but where?

Seconds later, Mariah had her answer in the form of a faint noise coming from the fire escape. Sadly, Tessa wasn’t strumming her guitar or singing some touching new tune. Mariah was listening to a sound she wasn’t fond of at all. In fact, she loathed it. Whenever Mariah heard this particular sound, it was like a shot straight to the heart.

Tessa was crying.

It killed Mariah that Tessa refused to wake her up after nightmares or even just when she had something on her mind. Tessa never wanted to disturb Mariah, but it disturbed her far more when Tessa was upset. She wished Tessa would understand that she was never a burden, but she could only keep telling her and hope it would sink in.

Mariah also knew she’d have to handle this delicately. Tessa was getting better about sharing, but she certainly wasn't an open book. As Mariah got out from under the covers and moved toward her most loathed sound, she pondered what she’d say. Mariah could write a journal full of scribbled and scrambled emotions, but her songwriter girlfriend was the one who truly had a way with words.

Mariah shivered when she thought about Tessa writing all these songs for her. For _her._ Never in Mariah’s wildest dreams did she imagine she could actually inspire such meaningful creations. That someone could adore her and sing about deeply personal feelings – something Mariah had never been great at expressing beyond the page. At least Mariah didn’t feel so great at it.

Those feelings were there though, and sometimes Mariah felt powerless to stop them. Sometimes Mariah just had to tell Tessa what was in her heart, even if her words weren’t as eloquent as she found Tessa’s gorgeous lyrics. Mariah figured this might be one of those times as she took the first step on the fire escape. One look at a weepy Tessa told her so. 

Still, Mariah couldn’t help but feel like she was intruding. She stared at Tessa, who was bathed in moonlight that was almost as beautiful as her and wrapped in the ugly green blanket she swore she hated. Mariah knew better. It was by no means a chilly night, but Tessa always gravitated to that blanket when she needed comfort.

Mariah thought it might’ve gone missing not too long ago, but it had accidentally ended up in the closet after a very necessary spin cycle. A feverish Tessa had been huddled under it when she spilled an entire bowl of chicken noodle soup in her lap. It wasn’t the first time Tessa had been a klutz with food on the sofa. There was a catastrophic banana cream pie incident that we won’t get into now.

In this moment, however, Tessa looked nothing but graceful – almost poetic to be honest. She was deep in thought while taking in a few distant neon signs. The liquor store on the corner. Mariah’s favorite Chinese take-out restaurant two blocks down. Some office supply business that had just opened up next to it.

Mariah treasured their little place and the memories they’d made there – the good, the bad and the ugly. They were all theirs; they owned their wonderful, messy story. She admittedly wanted to get a bigger apartment and make it a real home, but that didn’t mean she wanted to forget their first one.

Because really, Tessa was home to Mariah. She was her heart, too, and that’s why it crushed Mariah to see Tessa quietly sobbing…folding in on herself and possibly shutting her out.

This was different than Tessa’s breakdown in the woods and the car afterward. Mariah didn’t even like to let that haunting thought creep in her mind. She never wanted to see Tessa in that much pain ever, EVER again.

No, this was a much milder level of weeping. It was gentle…just a tender sadness that Mariah was growing more and more puzzled about. Why was Tessa so distraught after such a perfect day? Mariah had to know, so she did the only thing she could do and hesitantly uttered her favorite name in the universe.

“Tessa?”

A startled Tessa turned toward Mariah and quickly began wiping away her tears. “Oh, hey. Sorry if I woke you. Let’s uh—let’s just go back to bed.” Tessa moved toward the window, eager to avoid Mariah’s imminent interrogation. She knew Mariah wouldn’t let this go, but she still liked to kid herself occasionally.

“Wait,” Mariah said, blocking Tessa’s path. “Can we stay out here for a while?”

“Okay.” Tessa discarded the blanket on the bottom step of the ladder and moved toward the railing. She once again gazed at a sea of neon, but Mariah could tell Tessa was looking somewhere far past it – or maybe nowhere at all. She was stuck in her own head, and Mariah had to get her out of there. After a minute or so, Mariah put her elbows on the railing beside Tessa and cut into the gloomy silence.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Tessa said unconvincingly. She flashed a smile, but she couldn’t hide the sorrow behind it. “Sometimes you just need a good cry, you know? It’s cathartic.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

“I’m seriously okay. This isn’t a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me. You know you can tell me whatever's bothering you.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Tessa said, slight agitation rising in her voice.

“Don’t give me that. You were crying, and I want to know why.”

“I told you why.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did. It’s not my fault you didn’t like the answer.”

“I didn’t like the answer because it wasn’t the whole story," Mariah insisted. "I thought we were going to be honest with each other. No more secrets. Remember?”

A somber Tessa slowly turned back toward the street below, but Mariah wasn’t giving up.

“Please? I just want to help, Tessa. I love you…”

And with that, Tessa burst into tears – much harder than before. Mariah was taken aback and wondered if she’d botched this horribly. She was trying to comfort Tessa, not make matters worse.

Mariah immediately moved closer to Tessa and pulled her into a warm embrace. “Hey, hey. Shh…it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to push too hard. I just want you to know I’m here for you.”

“You don’t understand. _That’s_ why I’m crying,” Tessa said softly, her head on Mariah’s shoulder.

“Because I’m out here with you? If you need more time alone, I can go inside or…”

“No, I don’t mean it like that. I’m not crying because you’re with me. I’m crying because you’re _with_ me. With _me_! Why on earth are you _with me_?” Tessa drew back from Mariah and gestured in frustration.

“Where is all this coming from? You know I love you more than anything.”

“I do know and that’s the problem.” Tessa sighed as she slumped down on a nearby step and put her face in her hands.

At this point, Mariah was starting to get nervous. She swallowed hard before asking two terrifying questions. “Do you not feel the same way anymore? Are you…are you trying to break up with me?” She held her breath briefly, awaiting the answers.

“NO! NO!” Tessa jolted up from the step, eyes widening as she realized she’d nearly given Mariah a heart attack. She lunged forward to touch Mariah’s chin affectionately. “No, baby. Of course I’m not breaking up with you. _I love you._ I told you I’m not going anywhere. I meant it when I said what we have is forever.”

“Then I'm lost. If you want to be with me, why would be crying about it?”

“I want to be with you; I just don’t deserve to be with you. And I guess I’m just trying to make peace with that.”

“Tessa, we’ve been over this. You deserve to be happy. You deserve good things just like everyone else does.”

“You’re not just a ‘good thing,’ Mariah. You’re the best thing. The very best thing. And I feel selfish because I’m holding you back. I hurt you over and over,” Tessa said, getting choked up again. “You’ll always have to remember that. And I’ll always have to remember that. It’s like I created some dark cloud that’s always going to hang over us.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. You deserve a clean slate with someone else. Someone with less baggage who won’t hurt you like I did. You could have so much more, but I love you too much to let you go. When I even think about you not being in my life… If you hadn’t forgiven me, I just…”

Tessa dissolved into tears as Mariah reached up to dab them with the sleeve of her pajamas. “But I did forgive you. And now you have to forgive yourself. You have the biggest heart I know, even if you can’t see it. I see it. I see the real you.”

Tessa closed her eyes and slipped her hands through Mariah’s disheveled hair. She pressed her forehead against Mariah’s and just held her there for a moment, soaking her in. “I love you so much,” Tessa breathed desperately against her. “I love you. _I love you._ Please tell me you know that. I can’t give you anything else.”

Mariah’s heart exploded at the confession – just like it always did when Tessa reminded her of her love. Mariah had fallen for Tessa rather quickly and pined for her for what felt like an eternity. But once she knew Tessa loved her back? Once she felt just as wanted and needed? THAT’S when Mariah was a goner.

So Mariah kissed her heartfelt response. She gripped Tessa’s face as she deepened it, telling her that she knew. She knew without a doubt that Tessa loved her. That she was Tessa’s world and always would be. Mariah kissed to say Tessa was her world, too, and that her love was more than enough.

It didn’t matter if Tessa soared to the top of the charts or if Mariah became a hotshot imagemaker or if they were just two girls making out on the fire escape in their adorable PJs. They would always be them, and they would always have each other.

Mariah broke the kiss and wrapped Tessa in the tightest hug she could offer. She suddenly got an idea of how to reassure Tessa this is all she ever wanted. “Marry me someday?” Mariah blurted out before she could overthink it.

“What?” Tessa lurched back slightly, assuming she’d somehow misheard or misunderstood.

Mariah was panicking by now. She instantly worried she’d made a terrible mistake. Mariah began futilely searching for words that rhymed with her request, hoping she could play it off as something less lifechanging. _Carry me to Green Bay? Call me Phoebe Buffay?_ There had to be something better than what she’d actually asked, but Mariah couldn’t find it and had to stand by her question.

“I was—I was just wondering if you’d marry me someday. Not anytime soon!” Mariah shook her head vigorously. “Just…you know…someday.”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

“Yes, maybe?” Mariah asked with a chuckle.

“Mariah…the last thing I want to do is hurt you again. And that’s why I don’t think it’s a good idea. Marriage, I mean.”

Mariah would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed. The truth is it hurt like hell. Mariah hadn’t thought much about marriage, but she always assumed it was a possibility. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Mariah imagined it’d happen for them sooner or later. But now, Mariah felt stupid for even bringing it up. _Of course Tessa doesn’t want to marry you._ _Idiot. Idiot. You’re such an idiot._

“You’re right,” Mariah lied. “Maybe I’m still a little tipsy from that Champagne we had earlier.” She did her best to laugh off her blunder.

“It’s not that I don’t want to…”

“You really don’t have to explain.”

“No, I think I do. It’s just that I—I love what we have together and the idea of raising the stakes is... I’ve made so many mistakes, Mariah. I’ve made so, so many, but I don’t want to make any more. I can’t make any more. Because if I do…if I do, I’ll lose you,” Tessa said, her voice cracking as the words poured out. “And I can’t lose you. I just can’t.”

“Tessa…” Mariah tilted her head with compassion and slid her hands around Tessa’s waist. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m right here. Always. Why would you think marrying me would change that?”

“Marriage is…complicated. I obviously didn’t grow up seeing the best example of it, and there aren’t exactly shining examples around Genoa City either. And marriage…marriage means more promises. You know I’m not great at keeping those.”

“Yes, you are. You’re not who you used to be.”

“Or maybe I am!” Tessa said a little louder than she intended. “Maybe I’m just the same old screwup. And maybe that’s just not good enough. How could I ever ask someone like you to marry someone like me?”

“If I remember correctly, I was the one doing the asking.”

“Mariah, please just drop it.” Tessa gathered up the ugly green blanket and climbed back in the apartment. She ultimately plopped down on the sofa bed as Mariah turned on a lamp and joined her.

“I’m sorry,” Mariah said after moment, sitting down beside Tessa. “It’s just that after Kyle dropped his not-so-subtle hint, I thought about it and realized it sounded kind of nice. You and me. Getting engaged at some point. But Kyle was just being Kyle, and it’s fine. We don’t have to think about marriage.”

“But I do think about it. I think about it a lot actually.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I just…” Tessa trailed off before she sighed and rubbed a hand across her face. “How do you put up with this? I literally spent the day singing a song about self-acceptance and now I’ve spent the night telling you why I’m not worthy. I’m such a fraud.”

“You’re not a fraud. You’re just…a real person.”

“A mess is what I am.”

“Well, you know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you’ve memorized all the clichés…”

“Don’t do it. Don’t even think about it,” Tessa said, sensing where this was going.

“And I know you said not to tell you this…”

“No. Don’t you dare. Mariah, I swear if you say it…” Tessa warned playfully.

“You’re perfect, babe.”

Tessa feigned annoyance and smacked Mariah with her pillow. “I told you not to!”

“Since when do I listen to you?”

“Never, come to think of it.”

“And that’s why I’m going to do this.” Mariah scooted closer and took Tessa’s hand sweetly. “I’m not getting down on one knee, so you’ll just have to deal.”

Tessa looked petrified, which amused Mariah – only because she knew the terror would subside in a second or two.

“Tessa Porter…will you _maybe_ , _possibly_ someday in the very distant future consider having an _extremely_ low-key gathering with cake and fizzy stuff and not-at-all-tacky bridesmaid dresses and Summer nowhere in the immediate vicinity to acknowledge that we’re always, _always_ going to be together so screw anyone who doesn’t like it?”

“When you put it that way…” Tessa let out a relieved laugh.

“Put it any way you want. It doesn’t have to be some big thing. Friendship plus worked out pretty well for us, didn’t it? Taking something good and making it even better? Marriage is just girlfriends plus.”

“In that case…no.”

“No what?”

“I’m rejecting your proposal. Or whatever that was,” Tessa said, chuckling again.

“Well…damn.” Mariah let go of Tessa’s hand to run both of her own through her hair. “I’m not sure this Power Communications gig is going to work out for me. If you’re still not sold, then I guess—”

“No, no. You made a convincing argument.”

“Apparently not since you’re turning down my almost proposal,” Mariah said with a smirk.

“Only because I want to ask you. I mean someday when the time is right and we’re both ready to take that step. When I have a ring and can do it somewhere more romantic than…here.” Tessa glanced around the room disapprovingly.

“Now I know you did NOT just disrespect our shoebox like that. It’s been nothing but good to us.”

“I thought you wanted to move to a bigger place?”

“I do…but not tonight. And I want to marry you…but not tonight. Tonight, I want to be right here. Right now.”

Tessa leaned in and gave Mariah a soft kiss that was pure gratitude. For who she was. For how she loved. For simply existing.

After Mariah turned off the lamp, they climbed back in bed – facing each other once again in the lingering moonlight. Tessa was a bit closer to Mariah than usual, but it was one of those magnetic nights. They stayed like that for a while, just admiring what was in front of them and letting the rest melt away.

“I’m glad I found you,” a drowsy Tessa whispered as she stroked Mariah’s cheek.

“And I’m glad you love me too much to let me go.”

“You wouldn’t let me anyway.” Tessa's eyelids grew heavy as she started to drift off.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t.” Mariah smiled as she removed Tessa’s limp hand from her face and kissed her knuckles lightly. “And that’s why I’m going to marry you someday.”

Tessa was already fast asleep, but it didn’t make it any less true.


End file.
